The Future of Garmonblogzia

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Hello, dearest readers. I need your advice right now.

The Little White Mask (which is what we were actually supposed to be called), a.k.a. Garmonblogzia, is undergoing a bit of an identity crisis. In the wake of the Season 3 finale, I became of the mind that none of these theories mattered. Last season Twin Peaks resembled more of a flow-of-consciousness collection of loosely themed vignettes, rather than a brilliantly calculated supernatural neo noir. There’s nothing wrong with that. And there were moments that showed glimmers of a coherent story arc. But essentially, last season, everything I did became useless. It proved to me that no matter how carefully you follow the clues, things can and will be changed just on a whim, with no prior allusions, even if it makes continuity a nightmare. (They certainly solved their messy continuity problem with time travel, eh?)

Trap

This could all be translated as bitterness on my part. I’m not saying it’s not. But that doesn’t negate my point. And many would even argue that last season, more than anything, promoted theorizing and discussion. They also have a point, but I don’t agree. That said, there are still plenty of ideas and things I have to say about Lynch’s works. I still would like to conclude my Mulholland Drive series of articles, and my Inland Empire analysis, as well as the full version of my Lynchverse theory (an abbreviated version can be read here). However, my interests have also strayed. I want to write about media both new and old, television or otherwise: WestworldGame of ThronesVenture Bros.Rick and Morty, comic books like Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and the works of Junji Ito, video games like Silent Hill, Death Stranding, The Elder Scrolls, and Bioshock, bands like A Perfect Circle, Nine Inch Nails, Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, and more. I even, as the mother of a toddler, have an interest in doing reviews of kids’ shows to help out other parents. So, my question to all of you is this:

Would you like to see Garmonblogzia branch out into discussion of non-Lynchian media? Or would you rather it stuck to its theme of “investigating the Lynchian mysteries”? If I stick to this theme, you will see considerably less content added here. I honestly don’t know when my next Lynchian article will come out, and this saddens me, but that’s the way it is. I love this blog and I am deeply proud of the work I have done with it, but times have changed. The focal point of my life has changed. When I started, there weren’t many places online to get Lynchian theories. Now, prominent YouTube channels like The Nerdist and GameSpot Universe have Twin Peaks videos. There are even plenty of channels now dedicated specifically to Twin Peaks. There is an ocean of possibilities.

The blue-haired lady on the balcony in Club Silencio

Another possibility is that I leave this blog as is, and instead resurrect my blog The Unfamous Eden H (which is so embarrassingly outdated that I’m not going to give you a link to it until I’ve fixed it up) and put my new, non-Lynch content there.

What would you all like to see? You are my readers, you will determine the future of this blog. So, let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Please, sound off. In the meantime, let me recommend a couple of YouTube channels to tide you over:

ScreenPrism has some cool Twin Peaks videos and, in general, has a myriad of very smart film and TV analysis videos. Highly recommended.

Wow Lynch Wow! is probably my favorite Lynchian channel. It’s fairly new, and has some very intriguing videos.

Go give these guys a view, a like, and a subscription if you so choose, it’s very worth it, and remember to let me know what you think about the direction this blog should go in.

(^Me watching Twin Peaks Season 3)

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The Dark Truth Behind Candie Revealed

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Written by Eden H. Roquelaire for Twin Peaks Freaks.

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers for Twin Peaks: The Return parts 1 – 11.

A lot of questions have been asked about Candie, one of the three Vegas girls (along with Mandie and Sandie) who accompanies the Mitchum brothers. Actress Amy Shiels has her own explanation for why Candie acts the way she does, and it’s a valid idea. But I think there might be a much more significant secret behind the innocuous-seeming girl, and I may have uncovered it when I noticed something hiding in plain sight.

Candie, as I mentioned before, is played by Amy Shiels, who voiced Agent “T.P.” Tammy Preston for The Secret History of Twin Peaks audiobook. As we know, it’s not Shiels, but Chrysta Bell who plays Agent Preston in the show. Why would Lynch replace Shiels, just to have her play an entirely different character? Could this be another clue for the existence of alternate timelines in The Return? Could he maybe have just changed his mind about who worked best for the role? Nonsense, I say! These other possibilities are just red herrings disguising the deep, dark truth: Amy Shiels is still playing Agent Preston, but we just haven’t realized it yet.

Tammy

Many fans have had mixed feelings about Chrysta Bell’s portrayal of Agent Preston, citing her stylistic acting as unrealistic and distracting (although, in my honest opinion, this fits right in with Lynch’s surreal film noir style). There could, however, be an in-universe explanation for Tammy’s odd behavior: She’s not Agent Preston at all, she’s a decoy.

My theory: Agent Preston, played by Amy Shiels, has gone deep undercover to take down a drug network, which starts in Canada, goes through Twin Peaks, to Vegas, where the Mitchum brothers help distribute it, through Buckhorn, and ends in New York. In order for her to penetrate the network, she had to pose as a down-on-her-luck girl looking for work in the Mitchum Brothers’ casino, and become their trusted companion, all the while acting like a “dumb blonde” so that no suspicion is put upon her. However, what if someone noticed that Agent Preston coincidentally went missing at the exact same time that “Candie” showed up? That’s why they needed a decoy. (Who would notice this, you ask? Shut up, I say. Go along with it.)

Enter Chrysta Bell, a lower-level FBI agent and friend of the real Agent Preston. She’s not the best agent, and she’s a bit of an oddball, but she’s clever, and trustworthy. So Cole arranges for her to temporarily take Preston’s place while they infiltrate the drug network. In the meantime, Cole, sensing promise in Tammy, decides to take her under his wing and help her learn the ropes. Of course, he does this by taking her on the most dangerous case yet. This is sort of like tossing someone into the ocean so they can learn to swim, which is a flawless, time-tested method of teaching.

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So, where do I think all this is going? Well, clearly, it’s not a coincidence that Agent Preston should happen to be where Agent Cooper shows up. I think it’s obvious that she’s going to recognize him, and try to get him back to Cole. In the process, however, she will blow her cover to the Mitchum brothers, who will attempt to kill both her and Cooper for betraying them, forcing Cooper to wake from his stupor and rescue them both. Slapping on a pair of shades and grabbing a gun, he will say, “Let’s rock,” and take down the Mitchum Brothers, action hero style. He will then convince Agent Preston to return to Twin Peaks with him, to bring the story back around full circle.

Meanwhile, it will turn out that Cole’s hunch about Chrysta Bell was actually him sensing that she was, in fact, a human manufactured by the White Lodge, who is destined to finally kill BOB. So they go to Twin Peaks, where they run into Cooper and Preston and the whole truth is revealed. Before departing this realm, Chrysta Bell will give Cole the dossier that comprises The Secret History of Twin Peaks, and tells him that “Tammy will know what to do with this.” She will then return to the White Lodge, just before the final showdown ensues: Janey-E, Audrey Horne (in her one and only appearance in this season), and Diane all fight for the love of Agent Cooper, who is too busy spending time with his true love, which is the coffee at the Double R Diner.

(Editor’s note: It has been called to my attention that Amy Shiels voiced literally all the women in The Secret History of Twin Peaks audiobook, with the exception of Agent T. P., who was voiced by Annie Wersching. The fact that I remember differently is clearly evidence of an alternate timeline.)

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Whew. So, I think I may have taken one or two liberties there, but overall I think my theory is pretty solid and explains everything about Candie and Tammy. What do you think about these characters? What do you think will happen in the remaining episodes? Also, how did you enjoy my first ever parody article? Leave a comment below.

 

(Edit: Yes, this was in fact a joke. I really hope you didn’t read through that whole thing taking it seriously.)